February 24, 2010 § Leave a comment
If you have little confidence you may recognise this kind of self talk – I really don’t want to meet these people, I don’t know them, they probably wont like me, what if I say something stupid, what if they reject me…. and so on. My goodness your poor unconscious mind. No wonder its terrified. You have just mentally rehearsed a number of scenarios where the evening went terribly. You weren’t just politely ignored, you were wholeheartedly rejected and probably they were extremely rude and told you to your face. The chances are that you have never ever been treated so dreadfully in your adult life, ever. Chances are, you may have been rejected verbally and unkindly in school and that’s when this particular pattern of your behaviour began. However as adults we have grown out of being so blatantly rude in company but our unconscious mind is still that rejected seven year old and hasn’t grown up. That’s because we learn conscious polite social behaviours but do next to no work on our unconscious mind, we let it just run riot, thinking whatever it wants and not reining it in to serve our purposes.
Put it this way, if you had a seven year old child who was going to a party and you talked to them the way you talk to yourself what outcome would you expect. ‘Darling, at the party today, everyone will probably hate you, they will think everything you say is stupid… have a lovely time.’ You just wouldn’t do that would you and we really don’t need to explain why, it’s pretty obvious. And yet that is the way so many of us mentally prepare for job interviews, public speaking, meeting new people. Brilliant!
The thing you need to know about your unconscious mind is that it doesn’t really know the difference between a real and a vividly imagined event. So if you daydream about an event going badly your unconscious mind thinks it actually happened to a very large extent. You may repeat that process many times during the day so by the time the real event happens as far as your unconscious mind is concerned, you have had a number of similar experiences which went so badly that you ended up feeling awful, so no wonder it’s seriously concerned.
How many times have you come away from a situation which you had been worried about thinking how well it went compared to how you had imagined it. May I suggest that you change your pattern of behaviour and see what happens. Make a deal with your mind to only imagine a positive outcome for an upcoming event. You do not have a time machine, so you can’t ever know how something will turn out. You have two choices, think well of it or not. Which of those choices is going to make you feel better and give you more resources? If you do something successfully ten times then you relax and feel confident, it’s a natural response. Whatever choice you make it’s a fantasy so you may as well fanaticise in a way which leaves you better prepared.
This is about training your mind and not letting it run riot. You have had negative thoughts in the past which have become a habit and that needs to change now and it can with a little effort initially.
Imagine a musician preparing for a recital who plays one wrong note whilst rehearsing because that note is easier to play than the one written. Would they carry on rehearsing playing the wrong note because it was easier or would they spend the rehearsal time perfecting playing the right one? Sometimes its easier to think about all the things which could go or have gone wrong because that is the habit we have developed. But I am suggesting making the effort to make pictures in your head of all the things which could go well, speak to yourself in a positive way and feel in your body the feeling of a successful outcome. And when reviewing a past event only think about the things which went well. After a party for instance, only think about the people who made you feel good and completely ignore the others.
Give it a go for a month, a week , what have you got to loose. notice the difference it makes. Then please post a comment to let me know what happened.
April 7, 2009 § Leave a comment
Motivation – tips for success
Do you need motivation to get something done, loose weight or get a new job? Why is it that some people just get on with it and others can’t get out of their own way? Well the people who get things done are using a combination of strategies which makes it easier for them to achieve their goals.
I would like to share a number of techniques which may help you as much as they help me and my clients get moving. So here are my top tips.
1. Time travel
So when you think of an odious task what happens? Just pause for a minute and think about something you need to do but have been putting off. What’s happening for you as you think about it now. You probably make pictures in your head which are those associated with the unpleasant parts of the job. You may have some sounds associated with it perhaps along the lines of ‘Oh no, I hate doing this job’ or ‘ what’s the point in starting that you know it won’t be very good’ or ‘you didn’t manage to do it the last time so what makes you think you can do it this time’ ( whoever is saying these things, I’m never going to employ them as a coach that’s darn tooting!).
Then you probably have a sinking feeling somewhere in your body or a black cloud descends or perhaps it’s a lead weight feeling. After all this, not surprisingly, you decide to go to the pub instead.
Now try this. Go forward in time to a point when you have successfully completed the task. See what you would see, hear what you would hear and feel how great it feels to have done the job Really take the time to enjoy how great it feels to have done it. Notice how much more energy you have right now.
This technique really appeals to your unconscious mind in that it focuses on all the reasons for doing the job as opposed to all the reasons not to. And think about it, if you were encouraging a child to do something which you knew was good for them but which they didn’t necessarily want to do, what language would you use? You certainly wouldn’t dwell on all the reasons not to do it. Rather you would concentrate, hard, on all the really good things about it. Parents learn, usually the hard way, how to take their children along their timeline to a point when they have successfully completed whatever it is and are enjoying the ‘treat’ at the end of the process.
So try treating your unconscious mind like a seven year old and see how well it works for you!
More top tips coming soon.
For more information on NLP see www.mindschange.com
April 30, 2008 § Leave a comment
Helping clients with interview nerves is one of the areas that I am particularly interested and specialise in. There is so much that can be done with nlp to help people feel much better about the upcoming interview or presentation.
We get into such a state. How does that happen? And why does it feel like a life or death situation?
Robert Dilts calls it a ‘thought virus’. I like to call it fantasising! What do we do – we think about the interview and we run a movie of the worst case scenario in our heads. That tends to be the experience of most people I see. Now the unconscious mind, which is the most of our mind, doesn’t know the difference between a real or vividly imagined event. If you shut your eyes and imagine eating a lemon, then you will probably start salivating. That is a physiological response to something made up in your head. And that’s true for everything else you make up.
So imagine, every time you think about that terrible ‘gone wrong’ interview you produce adrenalin appropriate for a terrible interview. Now it’s fine to think through all the possible questions you could be asked and think how best to answer but to construct a really bad scenario is counter productive to your needs right now.
And here’s why. Each time you do it, your unconscious mind on some level thinks it’s actually happened. So by the time you have mentally rehearsed a bad interview several times, you will have had several bad interviews from your unconscious minds’ perspective. So, no wonder it’s terrified of going for another one!
If you do not know exactly how an interview or presentation is going to play out because you don’t have a time machine, then you are fantasising! So what I suggest you do is have a fantasy about how great the interview is going to be. Now that is going to leave you in a much more resourceful state. Your mind will think that it’s great at interviews and another one, i.e. the real one will also be a success like all the other ones were.
Add to this the fact that we create conditioned responses like Pavlov’s dogs, then when you go to the interview you will have a physiologically conditioned response on the day which you have been carefully been creating during the days and weeks before.
So which response are you going to condition for yourself?
For more information on NLP go to http://www.mindschange.com
February 29, 2008 § Leave a comment
Well when you ask for feedback you can never be sure what you are going to get! I’m pleased to say it was all good. Whew. So here are some of the lovely things you said –
‘What a great way to spend an afternoon! A life changing experience in 3 hours. You will walk away knowing you have the ability to change you’. LH
‘Very well explained, great audience participation. I felt very relaxed on arrival. The presentation helped put a lot of missing pieces to the jigsaw. Very enjoyable from start to finish’. Liz G
‘It was fun and I understood what was being said’. Sara H
‘The workshop is a great way to boost your inner self. It’s great fun and a great way to boost your inner self’. Allison B
‘It encourages you to leave the past and become motivated for the future’. Sharyn G
‘Dorothy’s workshop was fantastic! Very informative. I left feeling motivated, focused, and believing that I could achieve anything. Most recommended. Thank you’. Clare A
So thanks again to all for making it a wonderful day.
Dorothy C. Le Grove
February 25, 2008 § Leave a comment
I would like to say a big thank you to all who attended last weeks workshop at Gather in Glasgow. It was a really fantastic afternoon with a great bunch of people.
Thanks also for all the great questions you threw at me – keeps me on my toes!
I am waiting for the last of the feedback forms and will publish a couple of them soon.
I look forward to seeing you again at future events.
for more information about NLP please go to http://www.mindschange.com
December 12, 2007 § Leave a comment
Interview Nerves How many people go into interviews absolutely churned up with nerves? Do you know, it doesn’t need to be the case. Rather than having that fight or flight misery how about feeling that the interview was a challenge, exciting, a bit of a roller coaster ride and no ones going to die! All the clients who have come to see me have all gone on to get the job and had a much better interview that they could have imagined. Here’s what some of them have to say …
In one short session Dorothy and NLP changed me from being terrified of job interviews to positively enjoying them as an opportunity to sell myself and my skills. Because of my particular circumstances I have to perform at interview on a relatively regular basis and I genuinely believe that I would not be where I am now if it had not been for Dorothy’s intervention. A year ago I was absolutely hating my job and feeling that my career future was pretty bleak. Since then I have performed strongly at interviews on many occasions and managed to secure three fantastic job opportunities which have reconfirmed my love of my job and put a spring back in my step. I can not even imagine how I felt before… Now, whenever I need to be confident and upbeat I have a set of tools I can call on which work instantly, easily and reliably – both within a work context and across the rest of my life. And it’s all thanks to Dorothy! D S
Can I just say that you and NLP changed my life! You definitely taught me how to think about things in a different way and to let a lot of things go that had been holding me back – so hooray for you and NLP. Since NLP session life has changed for the better. – L.V.
“I have had a fear of interviews for years and in fact most of my working life. I recently went for a job and would have pulled out of the interview had I not been put in touch with Dorothy via a colleague. I found only a couple of short NLP sessions immensely helpful in focusing positively and with confidence on what I had to do and I am happy to say I got the job! I intend to continue finding out more about NLP and how it can help me have a less stressful work/life balance”. Dot you have found your vocation! Thank you! D.H
So wherever you are, think seriously about seeing an NLP practitioner if interview nerves are a problem for you. You’ll have a much more positive and enjoyable experience as a result and it may mean the difference between getting the job and not. For more information about NLP see www.mindschange.com
September 26, 2007 § Leave a comment
Minds Change is an NLP Training company based in Glasgow, Scotland. We offer NLP workshops and Executive Coaching. Below is one of many modules we offer which you may consider essential for your company’s progress. The aim of this particular training workshop is to
· develop excellence in communication across the organisation.
· understand your clients or colleagues’ mental strategies, personal beliefs and motivations.
· Develop the skills of mentoring through effective communication
Language Patterns: During the training workshop discover how to use language patterns to communicate consciously and unconsciously with yourself and others.
Ever heard people say things like ‘ oh she doesn’t like me’ or ‘they never listen to me’ ‘ or ‘ my boss/husband/ wife doesn’t know how much I suffer’ or ‘that’s expensive’ (speak to sales!)
These are examples of distortions, generalisations and deletions which people use in their language every day. In the workplace or in our personal lives these phrases can be really unhelpful and don’t give us the information we need. So when we are in a good state of rapport with someone we can learn to spot these patterns gently challenge them with a series of well placed questions.
These questions help to really get below the ‘surface structure’ of what someone is saying and find out what’s really going on for them.
In the area of sales or business negotiations, when you are handling objections at the surface structure another one will inevitably pop up. However if you use these ‘Meta Model’ questions you can move to the deep structure to find out what the real objection is. This gives you much more information and a much better chance of resolving it.
For further information call 00 44 7815 75 11 58 or visit the Minds Change website www.mindschange.com